Holiday work blues
What is it about this time of year that makes me dislike my employment situation so much? (hello to all my co-workers on FB who might read this!)
For a reason I can't quite put my finger on I always feel deeply dissatisfied with my job in December. Nothing I do feels good enough. Nothing feels satisfying. I get frustrated easily, both with my own ability to make things happen and with the larger situation around me.
Is it me? Is it the way the holidays affect others? Maybe I'll pay closer attention to my feelings in the Spring as well. Could be that the only thing that would satisfy when I see piles of fresh powder outside is gliding down a hill on sled or snowboard or zipping through the forest on cross-country skiies.
Whatever it is the feeling itself is frustrating and only feeds the loop of discontent. I hate feeling this way because I generally love what I do – so long as the term "e-commerce" isn't involved – and I want to come home feeling good about my day and I want to wake up in the morning excited about what I might create.
Or maybe it's just coincidence that this always occurs. I've been spending time working in Premiere and Encore lately and I'm reminded how much I enjoy working with video, something I don't get to do in a professional capacity. Maybe this feeling is somehow related to the discussion taking place on Hugh's blog. I've always been someone who falls between creative and technical work. It's been my biggest strength, but also my biggest challenge. My brain isn't quite logical enough to be a great developer. My brain isn't quite creative enough to do design work (although I think I'm ok at expressing my visions through video and photography). But I can work in both worlds and talk to people on either extreme.
How does this apply to my current situation? I'm spending all my time doing really boring code work right now and even that's ok, except there's such a backlog of things to be done that the things I'm looking forward to are easily a year away from moving to the top of my priority list.
Let's hope this passes and the new year brings a renewed energy to me as it often does.